Life as We Know it Has Ended

Life as my family knew it ended in December 2008 when my then 88 year old mother in law moved in with us. Until then we were a pretty typical suburban family - husband, wife, two kids, two cats, one dog, three goldfish who refused to die (even though one spent more time upside down than rightside up), and half a horse. My mother in law is an amazing woman, and quite a hoot, but when you're dealing with a person who has early dementia, you learn anything can happen.

Born in 1920 in a small town in western North Carolina, Jessie Dair S. was the youngest of five children, and by her own admission, spoiled by her mother. She graduated as valedictorian of the local high school, and once when she told me that, I replied, "well I graduated 11th in my class," to which she promptly retorted, "How many were in your class, 12?" Ouch! (and no, there were 151, thank you very much).

Jessie was the only one of her siblings to attend college, and after earning her associate's degree, she went to work. After the US entered World War Two, Jessie and some girlfriends dared each other to join the military. According to her, "they all chickened out" except for her. She joined the Navy and served most of her time in DC. She must have had fun; there sure are a lot of photos showing her with her buddies at various DC restaurants, enjoying the nightlife.

Following the war, she returned to NC and the routine of work. When the Korean Conflict broke out, she got a letter from the Navy asking her to report for duty in Columbia, SC. She loves to tell the story about her arrival there. She said she walked in the door and the officer behind the desk was quite upset to see her. Jessie asked him what was wrong, and he replied, "we were expecting a boy." To which she replied, "so was my mother." Needless to say, they just assumed someone named Jessie had to be male. The Navy facility in Columbia was not set up to take female sailors, so they shipped her to Charleston, SC, where she ended up meeting her husband, a fellow sailor from Detroit (and 10 years her junior).

Two children and six years of Detroit winters convinced Jessie is was time to move back south, so she told her husband that she was going to Atlanta and he could follow if he wanted. He tried it for a few years, but called it quits and returned to Detroit. From then on, Jessie often worked two jobs to make ends meet and raise her kids. She did the best she could, but I know it was tough for everybody involved.

Jessie retired from a Federal job in 1981 and began to spend more and more time back in NC in her hometown. She had always golfed and bowled and she continued to pursue those activities, as well as volunteering thousands of hours at the VA hospital. She was also a member of the American Legion and even served as a Post Commander, something she documented in a large scrapbook that we look at often!

Seven or eight years ago she decided to move from Atlanta back to NC and over the years we began noticing subtle changes in Jessie's mental state. An older sister of hers had died several years earlier, not recognizing anyone, so we kind of knew what we were getting into. Fortunately for us, Jessie lived only two hours from us, so we could check on her frequently and moniter her situation. But in the spring of 2008, after she fell and injured an arm, it was suddenly obvious that her mental state was going downhill. There was no way she'd consider moving in with us permanently, so we spent the summer wondering what we were going to do. This woman is fiercely independent, so it was not an easy task convincing her to move in with us. After all, she was still bowling weekly (and bowling well I might add - a 180 game is not unheard of in her career), and playing 9 holes of golf regularly - at 88 years old!! And she was delivering meals on wheels.

Finally, after another tumble in the fall of 2008, she agreed to move in with us "for the winter" when the bowling league took a break. So, as I mentioned earlier, she and her lab, Sandy, moved in with us last winter. And that's when life as we knew it came to a halt.