Bowling

My mother in law is an awesome bowler, regardless of the fact that she's 89. The last time our family took her out to bowl, she finished with a 171. I can't even break 100. She's been in a bowling league for years and regularly comes home with cash winnings. She's very proud of the fact that she won several gold medals in the Senior Olympics.

Now that she's living with us, I decided it was time to find Dair a bowling league near our house. A new season started January 4th and I signed her up for the senior league. At the first meeting, I introduced her to the group and right away she and an 80 something gentleman hit it off. They were whispering to each other and nudging each other all during the meeting. I sent my husband a text that his mom "already had a boyfriend."

During the meeting the woman in charge asked me if I was going to bowl with them. I said "no, I'm terrible," having only bowled a handful of times in my life. "It doesn't matter," she replied. "We have all skill levels here." "Well, I figured you had rules about age, since this is a senior league," I answered (since I am still in my 40s). "Do you have kids," she asked. "Yes," I replied. "Do you have gray hair," she asked. "Yes," I replied. "You're in," she responded. So, now I am playing on my mother-in-law's senior league team, the Oldies But Goodies. This is not what my mid-life self image needs!

There was one woman there, also in her 80s, who was clearly a talented bowler. She was petite and dressed in multiple layers on this frigid day. She was bowling in the lane next to us and doing quite well. Dair rolled a strike and walked back toward us, patting herself on the back, and the fellow next to us patted her on the back as well. The petite woman came over to Dair and instead of patting her on the back, swatted her on the butt, like the pro football players do it.

Later, after we returned home and were recounting the events to my husband, I mentioned the butt swatting incident and Dair said, "She did what to me?" She seemed really worked up about it and began to criticize the "ugly" woman, in all her "ugly clothes." It dawned on me then that she realized that this woman was her rival, the one to beat at the bowling alley, and she was psyching herself up. That night Dair was talking to a friend on the phone and we heard her refer to this woman as "one of those other kind," meaning lesbian! All that from a pat on the butt.